Meeting a Long Lost Friend (26 Feb)

Funny that I really don’t feel anything when seeing K after that sudden break up in our friendship and two years after that, only pre-nervousness and apprehension because I didn’t know how to react – though I knew that we would all just be awkward and quiet and all (prophecy, checked). Like even after we said bye at the end of the day, nope, still nothing. I’m an uncaring, emotionless bastard. Hoho.

But it’s better that way anyway – useless “friend-patching” session that honestly was (though I appreciate the effort). She doesn’t have to bear with my ugly face no more. {Although I do wish that we broke on a better note.} After what happened the previous Saturday when whatsapping our mutually close friend Banana, it is wayyy better this way. Sorry but I’m not this all caring, considerate, sensitive friend who knows when and what to say and do at anywhen and whom won’t offend you without knowing how and why. I can’t and won’t even try to be one. I’m yellow-ungodly-timing itself. I can’t help if you always misinterpret my words, taking it wrongly, reading my “tone” the other way round, whatever. I really don’t know how to change. Like I always tell myself after all these frequent annoyances to stop texting you and all since I’m an annoying bastard but I cannot because I have values of my own, and that includes randomly texting people whenever I can and always – always goddammit always I tell you – we end up on this sour note again. This is frankly getting very annoying. So so so frustrated with you doing that. Zz I hate my stupid self.

I know it’s my fault for that horrible ending between K and I, even if I actually don’t really know exactly why she suddenly blew up when I questioned her rationale for that thing and maybe provoked her or what. Is like this now again. ME IZ CANNOT IDENTIFY THE REASON WHY. I think I’ll really never get humans at all. Also like why I’ll never get why my human self gets irritated so easily even if I have no right to.

I know we need to communicate. As in communicate communicate, like talking about this you know. I’m tryinggg, but it’s just not in me to do this sort of thing {excuses hah}. I just don’t know what to say…

So anyway. Will this thing between Banana and I really end up sour forever now? {It’s been 10 days as of today…}


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