“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”

– Oprah Winfrey


Clouded, Choked Brains

Ever find that you’re unable to understand a concept no matter how many times and who explains it to you? That’s because of our implicit bias, generally speaking. Due to our inherent narrow-mindedness, our brain associates it to something else and clouds our objective judgment and thinking.

Hence we need to be more open-minded and curious, to see things as it is. When our brains shunt aside familiar association links, that we may get this “aha!” moment.

Doing something relaxing can also invoke our “diffused mode”, meaning that our brains have more “space” (so-called) to make new and different connections we are not even aware of. To learn more, see Learning How to Learn! or just google it haha.

“It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.”

– Frank Lutz

Because people often personalise what they see/hear, interpreting whatever others say/look on their face as implying something about them. Why are humans so weird?

Untitled 01

— me enters mostly empty study room —

Person already in the room says, “Sorry I’ll be a bit noisy here.” {or something like that, Person was having an e-conference}

Me replies, “Oh it’s okay.” -Sets stuff down on a nearby table-

+ other similar scenarios

^ I hate this.

I always subconsciously think that they’re (whoever they are) imposing or disturbing me like that, like they’re not supposed to and I’m being {cue sarcastic tone} oh so open and magnanimous as to not mind their disturbance. Zzz. And then there will always be this awkward silence/gap/atmosphere thingy. Before my stupid brain catches up.

Like, hello? I’m the one who is imposing. My response should have been: “Oh, do you mind if I just sit here?” or “Oh, am I disturbing?”. Because the problem lies with me man. It always have been and always will.

Dammit. I’m basically a selfish bastard aren’t I.

Internship Experience (con’td)

Last week of internship, sobs. It passed by so quickly man. Like, I wasn’t done yet. It still seems like 8 Feb was only yesterday. Like really.

Day 16:

Morning was spent editing the report and presentation slides. So like, we completed our report and presentation slides in 3 weeks? Wow. Most dedicated officers yep haha.

Anyway in the afternoon we went to some community centre for a stallowners briefing. Can’t remember which was it, marine parade? Eunos? Punggol? Aljunied? The CC with that Indian curry shop??? Anyway it was the place under WP, so my mentor said that the stall owners would be shooting them down, which only some of them did anyway. Being in the theatrette reminded me a bit of my stupid JC days (like, where did that come from). Is like those popz ppl will be popz like they are while people who are quieter just sit there and do nothing.

They were all speaking in dialect so I couldn’t really understand anything. But anyway, I felt some of their pain. Is like pawns can only be pawns, stuck and sat on by the ones with greater power and control. So they get angry and agitated, trying and forcing their concerns through. This blinds them to the bigger picture, but we also can’t expect them to anyway. Then those with the power, i.e. cleaning contractor, don’t care much about anything besides money. Or at least that’s what I inferred from that guy’s face. He seemed totally nonchalant and unconcerned about anything, only present there due to protocol.

When the “ah beng” NEA guy was trying to talk to this frustrated auntie, my mentor pointed out that in this job, they have to use different “languages” to talk to different groups of people, which is a very relevant and invaluable life lesson.

Anyway this kind of on-the-ground job where we have to communicate with the public is so difficult man, and totally not what I can do. It really does take all the passion and resilience in one in this job. Much appreciated by me now.

Day 17:

Today we met at 84 Marine Terrace hawker centre which was actually at 84 Marine parade central. Anyway if only they had told me it was that hawker centre, then I wouldn’t have to get lost and walk for four bus stops. Oh wells but this is me, a person with no sense of direction whatsoever, and anw, morning exercise yeahh.

When I finally reached there they (my mentor, the centre’s in-charge, some other peoplez) were just about to split and do their jobs. Great. Anyway my intern buddy and I just had to get stall owners to write down their stall numbers, name, signature, and pass them this box of 30 free trays. Hope that we gave it all out correctly otherwise we’ll be creating more problems for them man. And the centre’s HA rep is a nice man.

I got to see the racks in its pure, naked form, i.e. no stickers lol. Pasting the stickers on the racks needed skill man. Yeah. Anyway just when you think everything will be going smoothly, turns out one rack couldn’t be placed at the decided location because of the gradient/slope of the ground. So I think they’re just gonna place it just outside the centre? I also witnessed the “unveiling” of the banner lols, as in they hung it up. Then I wondered who ever thought of the drill? But yeah.

Anyway while that banner was being hung up I happened to hear this old uncle (I think) say something like, “this job so easy earn money, put one banner (it was in Chinese cuz I heard bu tiao) need so many people”. But like, hello uncle, you don’t know the effort needed in deciding everything else beforehand right. And we two were just interns yo. But whaaatever. There was also a child asking her mother what’s that banner and the latter telling her that they have to return their trays after eating. Tis up to your own inference.

Before hanging up the banner though my intern buddy and I sat in at a mini discussion between our mentor, the centre’s in-charge, another colleague and the cleaning contractor. Nothing to say here, just don’t wanna forget.

So that’s basically it then we went back to TPY for lunch together with some HCD staff yeah. Slogged on the report and presentation slides for the rest of the day.

Day 18:

PEEL trail today! PEEL as in Programme for Environmental Experiential Learning trail. So didn’t go to the office today. It was so lame, like about Clean Air and Public Health, and no incineration plants, semakau landfills, or what. Sobs.

Anyway I gave myself a chance today and started and survived and ended the day socially well. So proud. So anyway I acquainted myself with this guy who was on the same bus as me and heading to the same place (SEI) but he walked so quickly so I was like wtv then he stopped and was checking his phone for directions and so I seized the opportunity and was like Hi and yeah. We talked for a bit. But during the trail not at all though. Sad that it didn’t last.

Sighs it was like that for a few others (two of whom were at the NEW share too), and the others I didn’t talk to (I think was 2 girls as well, not at the NEW share, plus the NEW scholars). But I did made friends (could you call it that?) with this really polite and exquisite and gentle and quiet and polished (idkman) and we exchanged numbers haha. But can tell that it won’t last either. Oh my intern buddy was there too.

Then there was our tour guide, like literally tour, cuz he could talk on and on like giving us this national education learning journey lecturetalk on stuffs. But he is also a tour guide like he said he brought some Indonesian and whoever tourists around. Strange, huh. He was a very nice person, so I kinda felt a bit guilty that we all just clicqued among ourselves(themselves) and then he was like this “external” kind of person. Sorry!

So anyway the first thing in the morning we were lectured (yes, seriously, it did feel and was a lecture) on air quality, pollutants (NO2, CO2, SO2, O3, PM2.5, PM10, yepyep), PSI, mobile stationary fixed sources, and blah man. it seems that the PSI is derived from the maximum bracketed number of the concentration of any of the pollutants mentioned. So weird, cuz the air quality will differ if PSI=100 is due to CO2(100) and PM2.5(100). Anyway at first I thought that maybe could join this dept, but the lecturer said that they only measure, analyse data and impose regulations on industries or what. So they aren’t actually dealing with it. Like, heck.

Then we travelled to Changi airport terminal 2 (like nooo our carbon footprint) to this MSS place. There was a friggin cool bush-aeroplane (forget what you call them). Then like woah all the computers, and that gigantic screen made up of several screens. So we had another lecture, and I don’t understand all that red,green,blue cloud-like cloud-things. Here they generally collect data and stuff as well, using a radiosonde (that balloon thingy they’ll release into the sky like is it biodegradable cuz she said it was a box of wires and usually fall into the ocean like UFO in the sea man), and satellite dish and all. I don’t see the allure of this MSS, wonder why it’s so popz. But anyway one thing that’s cool is like they hand-draw the wind movements on paper man. like using pencil, rulers, graphs and all. That’s pretty impressive.

After this we had lunch at the staff canteen and I had fried fish soup with rice. The soup with milk is unusually nice. I ate with my friend(?) and the two who were at NEW share but I didn’t really talk to them.

And here I felt really bad like {kays not gonna spell it all out here yeh} I’m not actually supposed to be enjoying myself and having a friend to talk to because I just don’t deserve it and all you stupid hypocrite, so I felt bad seeing my intern buddy queuing alone but like who am I to judge, in fact he was sitting with the NEW scholars they all when we gathered back. So yeah I iz hatez me selfz.

Then we travelled to potong pasir TC there or somewhere near at the void deck (and too close man too close. I’ve been passing by that darn place too many times these 4 weeks). It’s ze mosquito-cockroach-rats-fleas-flies pest men. So many equipment, so many chemicals, so much poison. All the cockroach when one guy opened that rubbish chute door and drain cover and spraaaaaay! Then we went into the bin collection place (?) stinks man. And the large/bulky item collection area, oh my, there seriously needs to be more recycling. And that’s my future turf. Hopefully. Like I really want to find some ways to get those rubbish into new/better forms (upcycling maybe) and get those people to stop making these shitz.

Then we went to biopolis(!) like so cool always see it in GP but not knowing what’s inside. We went to EHI the env health institute and yep, mosquitoes. Got 3 types I think, but I can’t rmb, their names are weird. Anyway I can’t stand insects yeauuurgk. Their pupa so hairy.  Oh we donned this yellow cotton thingy which was so cool cuz like so scientist-ish but sad no lab coat. Then we had to go through 3 doors like lols to get to the mosquitoes, the clean, virus-free ones. So many yuck. There are some types of mosquitoes which cling parallel to the wall, some at an angle, some extremely large (which that person who showed me the light-bending smiley face photo said Lim Chu Kang had a lot), some red, some tiny, and lots of commas (pupas) and worms (larvae) then I just wanted to BUUURN them all. Yeps.

Then many of us departed from there (mass exodus lols). Yeah. So farewell guys. All the best in your lives.

Then I wanted to visit amah ahgong even bought them that lao ban dou hua man but they weren’t home. Sighs. And this day is 1k-words long lols.

Day 19:

Office in the day again but during lunch I borrowed a book (woo!) even though I haven’t even started on the one I borrowed previously lols. It’s by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett man like JIGGAMABAGIFANJITABULOUSBOOMZ! Looking forward to it hahas. Looks cool.

So anyway we (intern bud, mentor, one colleague, me) went to Geylang Serai market cuz ze 2 HCD ppl wanna check on the rat issue and we 2 noobs just tagged along. Which we actually shldn’t have. Cuz we just lazed around, not knowing what’s going on, while the horde of them (+cleaning contractor people) looked around for the homes of the rats.

That cat was scared. I knew it yet what was I doing man. zzz my awful presence. Hope it’s well.

Nothing to say man just that that guy pangseh us 2 noobs and we were like, huh?, but anw got the bus to paya lebar and mrt home.

Day 20:

Last day. Haiz.

But so weird weird things happened today. Like I was in the same train with my mentor mentor (eiish hard to do this without names) then we walked and talked then my mentor appeared then at the lift outside the office my intern bud was there. Like lols haha.

Then early in the morning nine fifteen, got that presentation about rats. Which we 2 intern noobs just attended. Now I know there are 4 main types of rats:

  • roof rats (leaner butt than Norway rat)
  • Norway rats (fatter butt than roof rats) (smaller eyes and ears than roof rats, and blunter nose) (gigantic, one huge one like size 12 boots was caught at geylang serai market, damn huge)
  • house mouse (like jerry! Haha. And mickey mouse. Small with round ears)
  • shrew rats (the ugliest version lol. Looks blind, and like an anteater with that snout) (which are harmless and even useful cuz they eat insects)

And woah that dissected rat which died due to the chemicals. Yuck.

They said Singapore had no rats before and all these rats are imported lols. Like they come via incoming cargo ships (stop issuing permits man! lols haha joke joke). So now they fumigate both incoming and outgoing ships.

They have many methods to capture the rats man. like cardboard with glue, rat bait and cage, that rat zapper, dusting, finding tail smears, blah blah.

So anyway enough of rats seriously. We 4 (mentor, the other mentor, intern bud, me) went to smith street for lunch! Like farewell lunch. Not at the hawker centre though. Anyway that part of Chinatown was really bustling and crowded and cramped. The hawker centre was also vwoah. Good luck placing 30 racks haha. Then we went to this coffeeshop selling nice porridge maybe but then mentors said like not proper or what lols so we went to some ulu mall for vegetarian food. Like feast man, mentor order so many dishes. And Idk man, sad that it was short. We just chatted a bit about cheating in exams lols and stuff. Was fun. Then we went back TPY ah.

Finished up the report, presentation slides, executive summary, personal reflections, and all ze documents. Then passed some mentor feedback form for them 2 to fill in. Okays all the weird stuff happens here didn’t know how to react. Mentor said that our report and presentation was pretty impressive considering the short 4 weeks but then need that wow factor, that one most confident and outstanding idea. Sorry to disappoint you man but yeah.

Then he also said that I need to open up more like cuz never really talk to anyone in the beginning but manz it’s so tiring trying to be hyper. Then I also didn’t ask a lot of questions but is more because know roughly already and also have the ideas there but should discuss own prior perspectives and ideas. Then she said I got potential (lolwhat) so yeah and all man.

Haiz anyway remind me why I never did make many friends.

So we took some pics (like, weirdz, sorry guys for running your photos man) and this kind lady who already bought her CNY goodies gave us what NEA staff received and returned our laptops and cards to another this kind lady and all. People are too nice in this dept man lols.

So yeahhhhhhh sad, short 4 weeks but meaningful and fulfilling and insightful enough.

Then my intern bud and I left and can never go back in ever again (lol) since we don’t have the staff cards and went to HR HQ at newton to submit our docs (okay sorry here daddy manz this sucks). And we 2 parted waaays. Yep.

So weird I really not used to this don’t know how to react man. So byes and thanks for everything yeahh.

See yall next tues and last time on 23rd maybe.

Internship experience

Since I guess nobody wanna read it & that it’s my own blog yo, just gonna post it here but all lumped together!

NEA Internship experience @ HCD ~

Day 1&2:

Sadly my internship project was not one I really desired but oh wells, life goes on. My project is to encourage tray return which is like, after much time spent researching previously, impossible. And thus was confirmed in the first day alone oh gosh.

The first two out of four weeks of my internship was spent talking or more like listening to my mentors talking about the project they themselves have been involved with for two years. Was lucky to be able to attend their meeting with 3PND about their outreach efforts, kind of like an introduction and insight to the problems of getting cooperation from stakeholders (cleaners and stall owners) and patrons. There was actually another guy doing the same project as me which was weird since it was supposed to be an individual project and we had to present different perspectives of the tray return initiative. The people there were actually quite friendly and on nice terms with each other. I had always assumed that the atmosphere in offices would be infused with bad blood and all but yeah. Then we tagged along with two of our mentors to two hawker centres in marine parade which were to have the tray return racks installed. For the second day we basically stayed in the office the whole day, came up with some plans and whatnot, and were basically just bored lols.

Anyway talking to the people behind the tray return initiative and going down with them to observe the layout of the centre and how they decided the placement of the racks were a rather insightful and seriously eye-opening experience. Things are never as simple as they seem, especially when one doesn’t usually make the effort to think deeper. I learnt that while this initiative may seem shallow and superficially thought through to the ordinary citizen’s eye – going by all the negative comments about it – it actually carries more depth and thought. Not many are able or willing to think deep into the actual motive behind the tray return initiative, especially in this country where the opposite culture are so entrenched. While many may complain that if they return their tray, cleaners will lose their jobs, did they think that there would even be anyone willing to take up the job in the (near) future? One of the members involved in the initiative explained that people in other countries like US and in Europe clear after themselves because there are no – or few – cleaners to do so. I don’t know if this is true though, but given the complains about labour shortage in these sort of low-paying, unpopular jobs, cultivating the habit early would help people adapt to this likely future.

Besides that, a lot of effort, evaluation and thinking are put in in deciding something as “simple” as where to place the tray return racks. We need to position the racks where:

  • it is easily seen by different angles
  • there is sufficient space for cleaners to manouevre their trolleys
  • will not create congestion when patrons return their trays
  • patrons can return their trays easily without walking too far
  • accomodates cleaners’ work flow
  • has to take into consideration hawkers’ concerns that it will block their fengshui for example

There will always exist many limiting factors and constraints such as cost, time, manpower, differing interests of different groups of people, and so on. Not everyone can be satisfied. We can only just do our best and adopt the most appropriate option, keeping in mind people’s needs.

Additionally, there isn’t always a reason for something. In my words, “Just like how you don’t need a reason to love someone, you don’t need a reason to hate someone” (okay maybe this is totally irrelevant), if patrons refuse to clear their trays just because, then just because. We can’t really persuade them, if at all. Even the strongest arguments can’t convince everyone.

Especially after hearing so many of them explain the complaints and reasons why patrons who refuse to return their trays give, which I myself already know and did not know how to amend those misconceptions, I felt even more defeated and felt like giving up aha. Because seriously, if they, who have had many years of experience dealing with such projects, are at a lost of what to do, what can I, a measly little fellow, do?

Day 3&4:

On day 3, we finally went to Tiong Bahru hawker centre – where it has the highest tray return rates (woo!). It was after peak hours but it was better than staying in the office staring at our fail-of-a-planning-framework.

All I can say is that: the place is so dang cool! Like the design, spacious layout, colours and all…

Well yeah I was distracted but ho-hum.

Anyway I had ahought about improving the atmosphere/ambience of hawker centres so that it could lighten people’s mood and they would be more open and receptive to reminders and cues about returning their trays. In the mrt, I usually feel suffocated and ‘closed’ (sort of) when it gets really crowded and all I think about is wanting to squeeze onto the train and getting off. Similarly, the frazzled and noisy atmosphere in the hawker centres may make patrons feel very constrained and agitated.

The place was not too humid and warm because it has ventilation shafts man. The spacious layout of the centre reduces the frazzledness of public spaces. Tables were not too clustered together. It was also quite clean.

Anyway, we (my buddy maybe(?) and I) talked to a few cleaners and a stallholder. At first I felt that the tray return initiative should really be scrapped, since it does cause some side-problems for everyone. But then I went home and thought through and got some sense of it – but I still felt that the situation was pretty hopeless.

The tray return initiative may be a success or a failure depending on how you look at it. Cleaners in koufu said that when people return the trays to the tray return racks it means that they (the cleaners) have to go two rounds to clear the tables and the rack. But the initiative made it tougher for them mainly because their supervisor disallowed the use of trolleys – so they had to carry the trays by hand to the sorting area. I thought that this suggested that there should be a change in placement of tray return racks to really accommodate the cleaners’ work flow. But given the difficulties as mentioned in the post on day 1-2, I think patrons should be mindful where they return their tray; best if they return it directly to the sorting area.

However after thinking through and speaking to another cleaner in Tiong Bahru again on day 4, the tray return initiative does have some of its pros. When it’s really crowded and tables are limited, people who return their trays can lessen the amount of work cleaners on their rounds to clear the tables have to do. So it kinds of “staggers” or split their work load for a bit. In the hawker centre there are actually cleaners stationed behind the racks, in charge of sorting out the crockery returned there.

So the ideal situation is where everyone returns their tray, so that there would only be need for two cleaners in a ‘zone’ or assigned area — one to man the rack and the other to wipe the tables.

The centralised cleaning system was cool.

{oh man my mind’s getting so messed up and disorganised so nothing actually flows chronologically here}

Anways before I went to Tiong Bahru I discussed my ideas with my mentor. So briefly:

Incentives – 1 Act 2 Goods

Schools, influence

Atmosphere (so lame lols)


But then again, we want this project to be meaningful and actually help NEA right? (as is enlightened by the super intelligent being doing the same project as me)

P.S: Oh and my bread (in my bag) got squashed ):

Day 5:

On day 5, we (my mentor, the other guy doing the same proj and I) met at bedok hawker centre (near the interchange). It’s a new hawker centre managed under ntuc foodfare. The place was spacious and clean maaan. Too spacious in fact – though it was also severely cramped at one area. I found that there could have been more tables to accommodate more ppl. And the racks were weird. Like they made it “part” of the infrastructure, basically by putting it btwn walls. It was so oddly positioned leh, like facing ulu sides de. Got one rack even placed out of view at the narrow area, nobody return one. And then got another area totally no rack- u can’t see closest rack at the narrow area and the other rack would be in view but far. The layout could have been better developed, provided there were tighter cooperation btwn the 5 stakeholders of the “5-headed dragon” — NEA, ntuc foodfare, Hawkers association, town council, and the last I forgot, cleaners maybe.

It’s alr so difficult to decide placement of the racks and all, and yet we have this internal problem of conflicting views to deal with. For example my mentor was suggesting placing an add’l rack at the area where there isn’t any, but the foodfare rep disapproved as nobody would sit at the two nearby tables, but from my mentor’s experience ppl will still sit near the racks especially when it’s crowded, they wouldn’t be affected anw.

A good point abt this place is that the racks were a sort of workstation for the cleaners. There are mini washing areas for them behind the racks. This accommodates the ideal work flow whereby one cleaner stays behind and sort the returned crockery on the racks, and the other goes out to wipe the tables.

Before my mentor and the ntuc people discussed about the narrow area and the no-rack area, me n my fellow intern joined their “mini meeting”. Ntuc foodfare actually provided aprons for the cleaners, to make them look more professional and keep their clothes clean from food spills, crumbs and stains. According to them the aprons received warm response from the Hawkers themselves, so now they’re thinking of providing aprons for all of them, incorporating a design that reminds patrons to return their tray or something like that.

After bedok we 3 went to haig road. Man, nobody returned their trays at all. It was very cramped, stuffy n dirty. The racks were completely disregarded, like they weren’t there. Again, another problem of integration of the racks into the centre. But there wasn’t really any need for the racks actually, since the place was small. The stalls surrounded the tables like an aisle, meaning that cleaners can just return the soiled crockery on the table to the stalls nearby. And each aisle/area was small enough. They only need just drag their bucket of waste around, carry the plates by hand and with a table cloth. There weren’t many patrons either, actually, lols. In these kind of centres where stallholders still serve patrons their food (the pre-self-service culture man), so hard to get ppl to return their trays cuz they take the service for granted. Here i don’t see how i can help in any way.

Then we walked to Geylang Serai, only just a bus stop away. Man, Malays and malay stalls everywhere haha. Anyway the racks are ridiculously clean! And invisible! They’re like placed along the walls of a ‘corridor’, because there wasn’t much space among the tables anyway. Didn’t observe much, but another impossible situation anyhoo.

P.S: maybe there are some people who are actually nice. i mean, i’m the only hypocrite here so bahh. yeah but my mentor was kind of caring though, like he was concerned about my project since i had no freaking idea or direction i want to take.

Day 6:

Fresh new week, fresh new day! But bah man. We did up the survey and what the, lots of trees unjustly got massacred and made into paper for our frivolous use. We printed 60 pieces/sheets/bah of the survey man. Q_____Q” Was inwardly breaking down. And funny that at NEA, they “like to waste paper”. lols dude. Yeah then we (got 5 of us here) went to 127 Toa Payoh but before that we ate at a nearby coffee shop. I think all niang dou fu tastes the same.

When we finished it was already 2++ I think, certainly off-peak hours. But anyway survey it is! Sian the agonyyyyy yo. That inertiaaaaaaaaaa. But anw we finally got 11 down, 49 more to go aha. It’s been only a week yet so long ago from that day that I really can’t remember anything so lets just conclude that social stuffs are daaang.

Day 7:

I met my not-bud at Chong Pang at Yishun ring rd there. Miraculously found my direction there but failed to get into the hawker centre lols. Then serendipitously I found a narrow, blocked path into the final destination.

Anyway there were many old people and residents since it was 9.30 thereabouts. And this is what you call a hawker centre man. It was dirty and stuffy and noisy and damn crowded. And hardly anyone returned their trays, like roughly 9.0909090909090909…% or 1/11 (we used a quite accurate methodology handed down from our masters yeah). Here the racks were largely ignored as well. The cleaners didn’t really have a fixed or efficient work flow. Like if see tables nearby dirty then just clean lor. They didn’t really do any organised rounds, taking a long time to clear the tables. Another hopeless case too haha.

Then I think we camped in the office the whole day afterwards.

Day 8:

Survey at 127 Toa Payoh again. Sighs, the pain… then we also talked to Joyce, the rep from their merchants’ association. And then I really have no idea what we did for that day. Sigh… I must be getting old… …

JAPAN IS SHO CUTE AHAHAAHA. I mean Japan from Hetalia haha. His favourite phrase in Hetaoni man. Sighs…. hetaoni was really amazing… )’:

Day 9:

WE FINALLY COMPLETED OUR SURVEY AHAHAHAHAHAAHA. And yeah I learnt that we only need to start doing that hated-flippamadisgusting task for the first few things and procrastination really flies out the window.  And i also realised that my recount of my experiences here is getting very limbo-ish, but oh wells.

Anyway we did the survey at Tiong Bahru where the return rate is very good. And I don’t think the lor mee was really very fabulous or such. But okay /_/. Then we came back office to analyse the results, and there was hardly any correlation lols. So the survey is actually quite useless man. Cuz I can’t find that niche I need to boost my project. Sad life.

Then we also started the report. Or continued writing my report for me. Man, can’t help but think I never learnt anything at all. Is like looking back, my sense of hopelessness about this project can’t stop but RIIIING through my head that it’s impossible ahahaha what do you even think you can do anything about this. Ugh feel like scrapping the whole dang report man, kill my own darlings or whatever you call that… but laziness got me working right on it instead. Sighs.

Day 10:

I think we just spent the whole day staring into the very depths of our computer screens. And I really have nothing much to write, only ramble on. Cuz I aint got any good ideas at all.

Anyway today (or a few days ago as of today today), I learnt that some people are nice. Like I dragg– attended the NEW share session – some dang social stuff – and they actually gave me that chance man. As in they talked to me, instead of viewing me like a tray return rack in a hawker centre (zomg what’s with that analogy haha). And I found that I really hated my past two years in JC dammit. But anyway the NEW scholarship has many cool benefits man. Like they give you 15K (WOAH!) for your summer exchanges thingy (?) and even sponsors your masters if you like. And the NEW scholars seemed like, really happy with their jobs and all. NEA does this rotating positions thing where no one gets stuck in a particular job/role/area/field for like, forever, so like there’s opportunities to learn new things and all. But then I’m not really interested in like, pests and rats and such?

So anyway they (NEW scholars and wannabe-NEW scholars) are nice people. AND I HAVE NO LIBRARY BOOKS (library cuz i only have lame-o novels at home) TO READ. DAMN.

Day 11:

Continued writing the report lorhz… but today we dropped in a stallholders’ briefing at marine parade. The conference room was so lawyer-ish man! The table shone and gleamed like super polished wood. And is really like those kind of hard, thick, polished, atas wood. And the chairs! So comfy and large and big like it could swallow me whole but too bad I’m too blubbery and squeaky as well. Aiyo, zhong zhi the place is like for big bosses kind, but should be no surprise since hey, guess who’s the TC person.

Anyway, I’m so sorry (!), couldn’t help but nod off in the middle of the briefing (yikes). It was really very dry ah. But then they have given the presentation 57 times I wonder how they could continue. Some hawkers didn’t really care about the briefing, just chatting among themselves. Many just weren’t interested. And some were over-zealous, like this lady, being very concerned about the poor aunties, worried about their jobs and all. But then I think she contradicted herself a bit. But oh wells. And just IMO (please don’t sue), she hardly gave a chance for explanation to address her ‘concerns’. Kept going on and on, but then kept contradicting herself and not making sense. It’s all very confusing.

Day 12:

Stayed in the office the whole day slogging over the report till the nerve in my butt spazzed when I stood up.

P.S: borrowed library books today! Woo! Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane is really cool. And weird. Actually, I think all these great books are weird. Like if a book is not weird, it isn’t great. Like Dianna Wynne Jones’ books are weird. But maybe it’s normal to them. I don’t quite get it, but then I’ve only been in this reading business since I emerged from my ‘cave’.

Day 13:


I need the sun.

Had lunch at 127 TPY to take some photos for my OP/presentation slides. One can never not look and feel weird taking pictures in public of the public.

Day 14:


And then at the end of the day, OMG I HAVE THIS SUDDEN EPIPHANY.

Nah, just a lame-o idea, but now I can complete my project woo.

Day 15:


I think I’ve finished my report already. And my OP slides. What am I going to do next week..?

Oh btw, staring at the computer screen the whole day can really make one c0ck-eye <.>

And today I learned what mee hoon kuay is.

Oh and I hate fish scales.

P.S.: I’m sad. I just finished Neil Gaiman’s Ocean in like, what, three days? It was good. In that weird way of great books and authors. I have this sad and confused moment now. Like when I finished DWJ’s Fire and Hemlock. Nothing made sense but it’s good alright. I feel so meaningless now. ;_; -teardrop- And then around me in the office, everyone’s so happy. Laughing and chatting away. Fridays are noisy here. For some reason.

So now I have finished my report (somewhat) and sent it to my mentor already. But it’s so cui and I can’t help but scratch at my computer screen because I aint got the coward in me to scrap the word doc. Sighs. oh wells life goes on so byeeeeeeeee. one more week to go and then another before finally the presentation. hope i can help.